Roller Coaster

I have been up for 38 straight hours and about 12 of those were extremely traumatic.  I know I always am very honest with what is going on in my life, but it has always been my information to share.  This time it is not.  So I will say that everyone is unharmed, everyone is getting the help they need and everyone did the right thing in a time of crisis. 

It feels like so long ago, but yesterday morning, we did the final post placement report for Sacha.  I say final, it is supposed to be the final report.  I am slightly worried that because of state of limbo in our lives that they are going to want more updates from us.  But it went pretty well and is a pretty big mile stone.  It is like the final box to tick to finally say, now you are now actually trusted to be Sacha’s parents. 

Probably Dying

Last week, I got a call from the preschool to say that Alice had to be picked up early due to some tummy troubles.  Luckily Andrew was able to go and get her, but I took the next day off work because she wasn’t allowed back until things settled down.

Andrew had the kids this weekend and it seemed like she was getting better.  However, half way through the day yesterday, I got another call to go pick her up.  I have caught some bug over the weekend too.  It start out pretty mildly so I thought I would just be annoyed by my cold, but has turned into something much worse.

When I got Alice home, I put her to bed a noon and I went to lie down as well.  She didn’t wake up until 3:45pm and then when I went to give her a bottle and some food, I noticed that her hands were looking almost purple but she was happy and eating.  I didn’t quite panic but I called Andrew because I wanted to take her to the doctor and someone had to look after Sacha.   And all this time I was getting sicker and sicker too.

I ended up bundling up Alice and getting Sacha from preschool, we drove through McDonalds for dinner (at 4:30pm) and I bought muffins at the same time so breakfast would be taken care of.  Andrew came out to the house but by the time he got there, Alice was doing fine but I was dying.  So I went to bed and he looked after the kids.

I called in sick last night and I just knew i couldn’t look after the kids in the morning, so Andrew ended up sleeping on the couch and getting them ready for daycare/preschool.  We live to far apart for him to just pop out and I can’t even get out of bed.  At this point, I am not even sure if I can pick them up after school.  I was not expecting to be knocked out like this, I think it must be the flu.

The Incidence of Shorts

Sacha some mornings has a hard time getting up for preschool.  We do have to be up early (6:15am) and even that is cutting it close.  We will be on time if the kids wake up at 6:15, barring any unforeseen incidents.  Like the time Gus pooped in the middle of the doorway and Sacha closed the door, lodging the log onto the bottom of the door and smearing it all on our carpet.  That was not a fun morning. 

Yesterday, Sacha didn’t want to get up.  I said he could stay in bed until I got Alice changed and dressed.  Then he would have to get up and get dressed.  But when i was done with Alice, Sacha was still in bed, under covers and protesting.  So I made him get up and got him dressed and went down stairs to make them breakfast and pack their daycare bag.  We were running late enough now that I just had to pack their breakfast and they would eat it at preschool, this happens about once per week. 

I was about to take Alice and load her in the car, when Sacha came down stairs.  He had taken off the clothes I had put him in and changed into a pyjama top and shorts.  In February.  I let him know how displeased I was and told him that he had until I had loaded Alice in the car to change (ie, change right now!) and if he didn’t do so, I would be very angry.

Of course he didn’t change and time was ticking away, so I put on his jacket, he opted for gumboots and into the car we went.  He did start protesting that he was cold, but that was the consequence of his actions.  Plus, he got in the car in like 2 minutes, drove to preschool and was not out side for more than 5 minutes at the most. 

His choice of not wearing proper clothes, meant that he couldn’t play outside at preschool that day and that he was slightly cold for a few minutes. I even packed a pair of pants in the bag so after Andrew took him to his swimming lesson that night, he wouldn’t be so cold.  I think I made the right decision.  It was suggested to me that perhaps I should have forced him to change and that he is too young to grasp the consequences and that this might be why he doesn’t listen to me. 

Complaining

Today has been a bad day. I had a bad sleep last night, up from 12am-3am.  So I am tired.  Sacha is fighting with Alice non-stop.  Because the house is so tiny, I feel it needs to be kept pretty clean and tidy but that is running me down.  I can spend an hour cleaning something, turn around and the rest of the house has been trashed. Alice is also crabby, I think it is because her stomach hurts.  She has had a couple blow out diapers in the past couple days. 

Mum came over for a couple hours today so I could have a shower and go grocery shopping but I am still feeling burnt out and overwhelmed.

Sacha does not listen to me at all. It feels worse than it used to be.  I want to set up rules which I don’t think are unfair.  I don’t want toys in my room.  I don’t want food on the new couch.  I don’t want children jumping on the new couch and I don’t want children climbing up into cupboards to get items which have been placed out of reach in the first place.  There is no such thing as child proof in my house because Sacha will find elaborate ways to get into what ever he wants.  Yet, will act as if he can’t put on his shoes with out help.  I think if it were one or the other I would be less annoyed.  It is forced naptime for everyone right now and Sacha has let me know how displeased he is with this arrangement.  He has naps at preschool.  He listens to what his teachers say.  I don’t know what it is about me that makes him not listen.

Modern Dentistry

Sacha had his first dentist visit yesterday.  I had booked an appointment for all of us back in December and we had a discussion about if all of us would be going to it with our new situation.  In the end, we decided that it would be best to go as a family.  Andrew got his teeth cleaned first, and Sacha watched while I played with Alice in the lobby.  Then it was Sacha’s turn.  He was not cooperative.  He was supposed to have his teeth counted and then cleaned.  He got them counted and even that was difficult and ended in tears. 

When it was my turn to get my teeth cleaned, all I could hear was crying in the lobby.  Both Sacha and Alice.  It was kind of a big mess.  So we have another appointment set up for August.  Maybe 6 months will help and we have decided to keep going as a whole family for now so there is someone to look after the kids while the other adult gets teeth cleaned. Good news is though, that apparently Sacha’s teeth look really healthy and are nicely spaced and aligned.  Yay! Hopefully no orthodontia in his future.

Alice has gone from first steps about a month ago to walking.  I remember it was a quick transition with Sacha too.  From crawling to running and climbing in about 3 months.  She is getting more and more sure footed everyday.

This weekend was good.  It was fun.  I am feeling better than I was all last week.  I met up with Siobhan for Sushi on Friday.  Hung out with Tristan and Tara on Saturday and saw Man on a Ledge, which was decent.  Not great but not bad. and Hung out with Tina on Sunday afternoon, after doing a bit of school work.  Of course, not as much as I should have but I did get all my homework done for tonight. 

Sacha had another swimming lesson today and he was so much better behaved than last week.  It was great.

I found out today that my exams are right in the middle of the weekend that a bunch of Vladivostok adoptive families are going on a reunion cruise.  I had said that I couldn’t go for financial reasons for months now, but had kind of changed my mind and thought that $1500 on a credit card might be worth it for a fun couple of days with Sacha and friends.   I am really disappointed that I can’t go.  I even looked up arranging a proctor for my exams, but I can’t get one for travel reasons and I need to finish these courses.  I am really close to finishing my degree.

Oh, and our house went on the market today.  I believe it will be up on MLS with in the next day or so and having an agent’s open on Wednesday.  Hopefully it will sell quickly.  It is looking great because we had the garden done and totally cleaned inside.

No Expectations

Last night was a bad night.  After work and picking up the kids, I went over to Mum’s house. I was upset and over-whelmed.  I want answers and am not getting anything.  A friend from work, who has been through this told me today that I need to let go of expectations.  There are lots of things that he “should” do, but I have no control over anything except what I expect.  So I should just learn to expect nothing. 

I was so upset that when we had packed up and put the kids in the car, Mum said that she thought they should stay with her for the night.  So that’s what we did.  I feel so bad that I am not level headed enough to look after all the time right now.

Tonight, Andrew picked up the kids from Mum’s house for his first weekend with them.  I have spent the afternoon cleaning up the kids rooms and folding laundry.  And also taking out all of his clothes from the closet and dresser.  I am trying to look at positives right now and am going to be happy for the extra space and the fact that I will be able to organize my things exactly how I want them. 

I am just about to head out the door to meet Siobhan for sushi and then maybe pop into Tina’s place.  I have to dedicate at least 4 hours to school this week so I can get caught up and maybe even a bit ahead until I have some free time again.